[drabble fic] Skewing the Results

Title: Skewing the Results
Fandom: Yami no Matsui
Rating: G
Warnings: None!
Word count: 892
Summary: Opening day at Krispy Kreme Shinjuku!
A/N: For [info]cephy. :D This was inspired by the line opening weekend for Krispy Kreme in Shinjuku a couple of years ago. I kid you not, the line was three to four hours long--it was so long my friend and I refused to get in it, because as much as we wanted Krispy Kreme because we were Southerners, oh hell no. >XD This isn't as good as I wanted it to be--it would have had to have been a lot longer, alas. Ahh, well. Y'all can see where I was going with this.
Prompt: market research

The line had been halfway to Takashima, and Hisoka really wondered why he was putting up with this, other than the fact that Tsuzuki had given him that look. That puppy look. So even though Hisoka had much better things to do with his time, he found himself spending his Saturday afternoon--his day off--standing in the line that time forgot, in the middle of Shinjuku, and all for stupid doughnuts.

He'd told Tsuzuki, hey, they could go to Mr. Donuts. Or Starbucks if he really wanted nice doughnuts. Starbucks was even closer than Mr. Donuts, after all. But Tsuzuki had looked at him like he was a heathen, and pouted and wilted and then Hisoka had sighed and said fine, whatever, they would stay in the line for Krispy Kreme.

Although, Hisoka found himself thinking, these doughnuts had better be so good that there were spontaneous orgasms involved, for this amount of waiting. That, or there had better be a Disney Sea-esque ride at the end, because this was ridiculous, One hour of waiting, and they were still no closer to the store than they had been when they got there.

Another hour later, Hisoka begged to go to Kinokuniya and at least get himself something to read. He had no idea how it was that Tsuzuki looked as hyperactively excited as he had been two hours ago, and yet he did. Tsuzuki bounced and asked Hisoka to pick up the newest Shonen Jump for him, and when Hisoka came back twenty minutes later, Tsuzuki was almost exactly where he had been when he left.

Well, almost. The young woman with a clipboard who had been considerably further ahead in the line was talking to Tsuzuki now.

"Sir? May I ask you a few questions?" the young woman was saying. "We're doing a bit of market research, you see..." she said, and trailed off, then bowed. "We're giving away free coupons for a second visit."

"Sure," Tsuzuki said, beaming at her. "What do I have to do?"

"Just answer a few questions," she said, looking grateful. Hisoka suspected that she had been bearing the brunt of people unhappy with waiting for upwards of three hours for doughnuts.

"OK, sure!" Tsuzuki said, and it he'd had a tail, it would have been wagging.

"Thank you!" the young woman said gratefully, and took out her pencil. "May I have your ages, please?"

"About one hundred thi--"

"Twenty six!" Hisoka yelled, stomping on Tsuzuki's foot as the girl's eyes went wide. "And I'm sixteen," he said, shooting Tsuzuki a look. Tsuzuki gave him one back.

"Hisoka! We can't lie! That'll screw up her data!"

"Ah...oh...Yes," the young woman said, staring at them. "Um...your occupations?"

"We're death gods!" Tsuzuki said cheerfully as they edged closer to the door. They could finally actually smell the doughnuts now, and Tsuzuki was all but puppifying, sniffing in the air.

"Death...gods?" the girl said, eyes widening and then a tired look crossing her face.

Hisoka wanted to start rubbing his temples. "Forgive him, he's hungry and it makes him stupid. He's in collections," Hisoka said. "People never like to see us and call us all kinds of names. Like death gods."

"I...see..." the woman said, and Hisoka could empathize with the "they don't pay me enough" look on her face. "How did you find out about Krispy Kreme?"

Tsuzuki grinned. "One of my shikigami told me about it! He's really good with the internet, and he told me about this place opening this weekend."

"Your shikigami. I see," the woman said, and her pencil faltered. "How often do you eat doughnuts?"

"Not nearly often enough! Sweets should be for every meal!" Tsuzuki insisted. "But my boss doesn't seem to understand that. He's cheap and won't reimburse me. It's not like I even get to come to earth that often," he said with a pout, and the woman's eye twitched."

Hisoka had to admit that there was something almost sickly fascinating in watching this.

"I see. Are you married?"

"Nope," Tsuzuki said. "Single."

"How many people do you live with?"

"I live by myself."

"Do you have any pets?"

Tsuzuki frowned. "Do you consider shikigami pets? I don't, but some people might."

"Um," the woman said. "Yes. Fine. They're pets."

"OK, then twelve pets."

"Twelve....yes. Thank you," the woman said. "Yes. Well. Thank you very much. I think we're done," she said, putting her pencil away. She had a smile on her face, but it looked like she would much rather shove the pencil up Tsuzuki's nose, and Hisoka felt the tiniest bit sorry for her, knowing she was going to have to throw away the questionnaire she had done for Tsuzuki, and wondering how many she'd had to go through today.

"Hey, what about the coupons?" Tsuzuki said, pouting.

"Yes. Your coupons. Here," she said and all but shoved them at Tsuzuki. "You'll have to use them on your next visit. They aren't valid until starting next weekend. Thank you again," she said, and bowed, then stomped off.

Tsuzuki grinned. "You hear that? They're good next weekend, so we can come back again next week! You'll come with me, right?" he said, and they took one step closer to the store.

Suddenly, he had no more sympathy for the girl at all.

Or her stupid market research.
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*snicker* And yet, why do I think that Hisoka will be right there again next weekend? ;)

Especially when you factor in the addictiveness of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. >XD