joudama scribbling

Dear fic brain,

It's great that you want to work on Harrow Children. It is.

But.

Can you want to work on it when I'm not, y'know, AT WORK? Or not when I'm at lunch but a good ten minute walk away from my computer? Thanks. I know, I know, I'm not giving you much time to work with, since my little spare time has been eaten up by trying to not be a giant fatass and starting to prep NOW for the JLPT1, but still.

And also, could you want to maybe work on part two instead of part three? I know writing the love-hate-dash of UST relationship between Zack and Tifa is fun and all (especially this one scene, oh MAN), but I really DO need to write the boring plot bits in part 2 so I can get to the interesting interpersonal stuff.

Five more pages, no work done since lunch (thank god we're in the process of moving at work and so everyone is packing instead of working, and I finished packing this morning), and no love,

jou

Dear fic brain,

I don't know how you do it. By all rights, the scene I've been putzing around on all day should lead to pr0n. And yet, it is not. I don't quite know how you're doing it. I'm not objecting, mind, but I'm having flashbacks to when I lived in the US and my roommate was reading one of my fic in progress while I was doing something else so I wouldn't be hovering over her, and suddenly I heard a scream and she stomped out of my room and told me that if the two characters in the scene (at that time Toya and Yukito from CCS) didn't get laid, she was going to kill me. Admittedly, them getting interrupted was supposed to be comedic, and the comedic parts in HC is few and far between, but still. I full anticipate someone screaming.

If no one else, the chibi-Aerith-in-my-head waving around "OT3!!!" signs is going to start ripping out her hair and screaming soon. She's yelling that they're hopeless, and I'm not disagreeing with her.

Even I'm going bwuah?
jou

(and for the record, AHAHAHAHA, no, it's not in part two, but part three. I don't write linearly. :p AHAHAHAHAHA)

Dear fic brain,

I know you're never really satisfied and are constantly editing but, yeah, c'mon.

That next MGS fic was done several days ago, so why have you added an extra 200 words? It was only 600 or so words to begin with, when it was first 'done.'

You're determined to hit 1000 words or something before it's time for me to post it, aren't you?

staring at you funny 'cause it's not like HC doesn't need attention from you,
jou

--

Oh, and! I put up the new song list for fictunes. Everything is in 6/8 or another funky key. XD

The MGS fic is for fictunes, but I swear, my Overthinker's Club brain went bananas. ^^;;;;;

Dear ficbrain,

C'mon, now. The idea is for the number of fic I have to work on to go down, not up.

And I know, you're frustrated because I haven't written anything in a good two months. You need to take that up with the body, got it? Because that is not my doing. Tell it to get with the program already, instead of chomping at the bit and then clobbering me at work--where I can't write at ALL--OK?

Because really. Did you need to hit me with three things right in a row? And all from songs I've heard a bajillion times before? I kinda needed my concentration to be on the Chinese they had me working on at work, not Jewish mysticism (and wtf, two Ein Sof things. UNFAIR.)

Be glad I took the couple minutes to scribble down part of the thing you hit me with for Genesis for the non-Ein Sof thing. And ha ha, cute, hitting me with a Genesis idea when I'm listening to a Gackt song. I C WHAT U DID THAR.

Also, wtf, adding another Puppyverse story this morning. Ahh, well. That one I don't mind so much, since I had been tearing my hair out trying to figure out where one story bit was supposed to fit. This just gives me a whole new story instead of having to toss it. Still, ARGH.

And no. No writing this weekend, either. I'm still tired. This weekend's plan is to lay around, play a video game, eat grilled cheese sandwiches and soup, and REST. I'm not even going to play FF7, because the last thing I need is you getting ideas. It's Persona time, baby.

no love,

jou

Dear fic brain,

I...I think I hate you. For that bit of plot you just gave me for Puppyverse.

I think I hate you a LOT.

Why do you have to take everything cute and fluffy to the Bad Place? Yeah, I know, Genesis+Jenova=bad, but...but...

DDDDD:

REALLY no love,
jou

PS - No, I am NOT writing full fic for that FF12/KH/VS story you keep poking me with. I haven't played KH or VS yet, so just quit it right now. :p Drabbles are good enough.

-j

Oh, c'mon, fic brain.

While I appreciate you coming back with a vengeance and doing your normal "cycle through the big fic" thing (since that got a chapter of TTYNKAP and AHIH done), can't you, y'know, wait the less than two weeks for me to get a PS3 and thus a Blu-ray player before you start clobbering me with HC? I can see the HC train coming in; can you let me get to the station rather than running me over while I'm walking along the tracks trying to find the station?

Also, yeah, about that "walloping me over the head with ideas" thing at the worst possible time. C'mon, really? Did you have to do that when I was about to hop in the shower? Really? Did you really have to make it so I gave up eating breakfast in order to have time to put that in? I mean, I'd made rice this morning and was looking forward to eating my natto and kimchee rice (mmmm, iron) at home rather than grabbing a breakfast bar at the kiosk at the station and eating on the train (Yay, Kansai, where you can eat on the train and no one looks at you like you have three heads like they do in Kanto).

Oh, and did it have to be an idea for one of the things that had stoppered up HC before, so I couldn't just blow it off? I gave up breakfast and washing my hair for that. You better be so glad my hair decided to have mercy and not have a bad hair day, or I'd hate you so, so much.

*grumble* Two weeks, brain. Not even. Can't we compromise, work on that "Angeal Needs A Hug" oneshot?

Work with me here,
jou

--

Unrelated, I'm thinking about doing an author's note Ultimania for HC as well--I'm doing one for TTYNKAP, because I've got to to explain some of the things (like, the names. Hooboy, the names), and there are some things for HC that would be fun to point out. Overthinker's Club, and all that. XD

Dear fic brain,

I'm glad you came back. Ecstatic. Especially since you fucked off who knows where all February...you know, when I actually needed you, but hey. That's quibbling.

However.

I am drawing a line in the sand right now.

STOP PLOTTING OUT HARROWVERSE!FF7 AS I PLAY. And doing detailing as I'm walking to the train station.

*sob* Can you at least let me finish HC before you start figuring out how it would play out with Zack living? Mind, yes, this will help greatly with HC, because I'll know details, but...but...I know you, and I know the plotcthulhus, and I know how this plays out, and don't I have enough on my plate?

sobbing lots and lots,
jou

Dear fic brain,

I do appreciate you deciding to get with the program and flip back over to A Hope in Hell, I really do. And yeah, OK, it was my fault it took this long--but c'mon, I was in a mood for Jay Chou, and there is no Jay on the AHIH playlist. I'm listening to that on my iPod now, so yeah, thanks for switching gears.

That said...I really need to write part three before I write part four. Yeah, part four does have to be written, but so does part three. Work with me some more here, OK? Thanks muchly for that one scene you tossed me for part three, but I need more than that if I want to get this done this week.

hoping part 3 won't end up nearly as long as "Roadtrip",
jou

PS - Yes, there have been a lot of letters to you lately. Which is your fault.

-j

Dear fic brain,

I...I kind of hate you right now. 'Cause honestly, was that necessary? That hideous idea you gave me while I was editing, of all things, the epilogues to TTYNKAP. You did not have to do that. It's like you want me to keep writing Wutai-speaking!Reno. I know, there are some loose ends for things that are more world-building related than TTYNKAP-related, but honestly, must you be so anal about trying to explain all this shit, that you give me an idea like that, which would by necessity be post-AC? Do you have any idea how much of a headache and logistical nightmare trying to write that idea would be?

...and yeah. I know you don't care, and the very thought of drawn-out and involved and world-building makes you salivate with glee. And that's why I hate you.

Shoulda stuck with cleaning my apartment,
jou

PS - I hate you more because my desperate "I can't write it because of *insert important thing here*" you instantly went, "Well, *important thing* happened because *other big important thing*, so what was that again?" Haaaaaaaaaate.

-j

PPS - ...and you had to give me a title. Fuck. asdfghl; Curse you, Jay Chou, because your music makes my Wutai-writing fic brain take off at top speed.

-j

Dear fic brain,

Thank you for coming back. I appreciate the return of creativity.

However, can we have a little chat about your timing? You had all weekend to show up and do something. But no.

Monday at work is fail, yo. FAIL.

itching NOW to write but CAN'T 'cause WORK JOB YO,

jou

PS - Quit it with the wanting to write something pervy to go with this song. Me and perv are fail and you know that. Frantic blushing and flailing is not a good look for me.

-j

Dear life and work,

Please slow down. Just a little. I miss writing and sleep.

No love,

jou

--

Dear creativity,

Come back! I miss you, even if you scare me some days.

For once love,
jou

Dear fic brain,

I worry about you. :p

And uh, see that big list of fic and my noticeable LACK OF TIME? Yeah. Think you can get cracking on THOSE instead of hitting me upside the head with something for Harrow Children? It'd be great.

needing to get cracking on "Keter" yo,
jou

ps: I will do that idea for HC because it's good and slightly twitchy, but not now 'cause I have to shower and go to work. So you better remember it.

-j

Dear fic brain,

...I hate you. I hate you lots and LOTS. I started working on both those fucked up plot bunnies you gave me. I hope you're happy. I know I'm disturbed. VERY. I know, you agreed to ditch one plot point that was making me feel ill. You compromised. Swell. You couldn't have just left my 'no' be with this one, could you?

hating you lots and lots because it just haaaaaaaaaaaaaaas to be first person,
jou

PS - You better come up with a good name for the Angeal fic. It'd be nice if your creativity would stick around when it comes time for me to name fic. Work with me here.

-j

Dear fic brain,

Never. Ever. EVER give me a plot bunny for a first person fic when I am listening to Dir en Grey's "Embryo." And sure as hell not the version I have labeled "fucked version." Do you hear me? NEVER.

seriously wanting to be ill,
jou

PS - Shut up about that 1st person Angeal fic you sicced on my a few days ago when I was listening to "Rest Stop." I'll get to it eventually. Have you SEEN that long list of fic I've got to write? And what's up with you wanting to make it so Angeal gets his own "I Need A Hug" club?

-j

Dear A Hope in Hell,

Can you stop with the getting longer and longer? I mean, yesh, part 3 just hit 11 pages and sort of isn't even kind of done. And part 4 is already 12 pages and while yes, not THAT far from being done, it's also not close to being done (it's closer than part 3, ironically). Still, I'd kinda like to, y'know, finish. Sometime soon. I have a lot of other fic to write, you know. And you're coming out at the writing equivalent of snail's pace because you are heavy and ponderous. You are the polar opposite of Harrow Children, which barreled out at bullet train speed. You, you're like a WWII armored train in comparison.

Also, spending 30-odd minutes doing research trying to figure out which writing system of three was used during the Joseon period for one line about Park trying to read the court records is 30 minutes I'll never have back. You suck.

sobbing quietly in her keyboard,
jou

PS - Park is a scary motherfucker at times. Just so you know, fic.

Dear ankle,

WTF was that?

No, really, WTF was that you just did?

I'm used to having a knee give out from under me--OK, well, maybe "used to" isn't so much the right phrase as "resigned to." I mean, hell, my left knee was giving out left and right before I had knee surgery and right after, and my right knee sometimes will decide "Yeah, I don't wanna do this anymore" and suddenly it's "grab something QUICK!" time for me.

I've come to expect this kind of traitorous behaviour from my knees. But from you, ankle? Et tu, Brute? C'mon, dude, that was seriously uncool--up from my chair, cup in hand and on my way to get some tea for caffeine to battle the raging Impending Migraine, and suddenly, "WaHEY, better grab hold of that empty chair you just passed! :D" from you is NOT COOL, ankle.

Fuck you, I'm putting on my ankle brace and you pull this shit again, I go to a doctor, which you hate more than me,

jou

ETA - comments now contain massive spoilers for "The King and the Clown." Read at your own risk and the risk of seeing why Gong-gil's life was the Worst Life Ever.

Dear brain,

Pick a language. Any language. But pick ONE, will ya?!

wtfing over "Glasses zai nar?" (which would be Chinese, after I spent all day proofing a paper written in English by a German guy on improving machine translations from Hindi->English)
jou

Dear fic brain,

I'm not writing any more Yuffie fic.

Fuck you.

No love,

jou

Dear new comp,

I take back every nice thing I said about you.

You are going back to the store Saturday and they are giving me a new one. Because you suck. I said this morning if you did one more squirrelly thing, back you went, and oh, you had to do two to three squirrelly things (the iPod locking up when I plugged it in to you may not have been your fault, since it is also squirrelly). Back to the store you go.

No love but plenty of frustration,

jou

Dear fic brain,

I know. I KNOW. You love writing Wutai. You love writing the Wutai war now. I know you do.

However, are you forgetting how much we hate Yuffie?

Yes. You seem to be forgetting that. Why, I have no fucking idea. Are you forgetting I would rather shove red-hot pokers up my nostrils than write fucking Yuffie? I hate her. No, really, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate. The second she stole my treasure in CC, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate. I didn't like her and her daisy dukes and aggressively perky self anyway, but CC, and knowing in FF7 she knicks ALL your materia, really put her on me "Eat shit and die" list. I doooooooooooooooooon't. Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuufie. Even my hate of Gacktesis pales in comparison to the festering, seething, loathing I have of Yuffie Kisaragi.

So why, brain, why, are you trying to convince me to write a Yuffie-centric fic based on this song?

No. No. A thousand times, NO.

...fuck you for already starting writing the fic, brain.

NO love and seething unending hate for Yuffie,

jou